Today I sat down for my end of term chemistry exam, worth 60% of my overall grade for the term. I’m pretty sure I failed.

I should care, but I don’t.

This term has been bloody hard on me. Chemistry at the best of times is a tough subject, and has an incredibly steep learning curve. It demands time and dedication to simply grasp the concepts before you even begin to expand upon them, otherwise your brain will explode. I’m sure of it. No doubt there’s some way to explain that the covalent bonds in your brain would be severed due to the excitement of other atoms that then cause the entire thing to simultaneously combust.

That’s probably why I failed. I just tend to make it up and hope for the best.

I have probably gone through my biggest life change in the last few months, all while attempting the most difficult subject of my uni degree thus far. As a person I have grown tremendously, and I have learned a heck of a lot about myself. Unfortunately, the other side of it was that I had no motivation or desire to dedicate the time to chemistry that it deserved. Not to mention the fact that I work on computers for 8 hours a day for a full time job, coming home to sit in front of a computer again is often the last thing I want to do.

At this stage I’m not sure what I’m doing next term. I’m seriously contemplating giving myself a term off and just taking a break. I know I’m not good at the “break” thing, I”ll be bored within weeks, but that might be exactly what I need right now in order to build up the motivation and desire again to sacrifice so much of my time towards uni again. It’s definitely something I hope to achieve at some point, but personal development could quite possibly be more important right now. After all, I’m not going to succeed if I’m not happy and settled, am I? I don’t want to find that in 6 months time I’m in the exact same position again and I haven’t learned anything. I’m not a fan of the whole “failure” thing, it doesn’t look good on me.

Plus it doesn’t match my eyes.

Tonight I’m seeing a friend who I haven’t seen in a LONG, long time, and I’m totally excited. We’re simultaneously toasting the combination of seeing each other for the first time in years along with the conclusion of my uni term. Needless to say, there will be plenty of drinks consumed tonight. After spending almost 24 hours studying chemistry in front of the computer over the last 72 hours instead of having a weekend, I definitely need to let my hair down.

I think now is a good time to turn on the stereo and open my first drink. Why wait?

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