Kelly's World

I’m in the middle (or towards the end rather) of reading the book “Shantaram”, loaned to me by my friend Julie. It’s a fantastic read albeit a bit long. The author just has such a story to tell that it’s no wonder that it’s so long, and it’s captivating the whole way through.

As quoted from the wikipedia article:

Shantaram is a novel influenced by real events in the life of the author, Australian Gregory David Roberts. In 1978, Roberts was sentenced to nineteen years’ imprisonment in Australia after being convicted of a series of armed robberies of building society branches, credit unions, and shops, which he had committed to feed a heroin addiction after his marriage ended and he lost his daughter. In July 1980, he escaped from Victoria’s Pentridge Prison in broad daylight, thereby becoming one of Australia’s most wanted men for the next ten years.

The protagonist arrives in Bombay carrying a false passport in the name of Lindsay Ford. Mumbai was only a stopover on a journey that was to take Lin from New Zealand to Germany, but he decides to stay in the city. Lin soon meets a local man named Prabaker, whom he hires as a guide but soon becomes his best friend and who renames him Linbaba. Both men visit Prabaker’s native village, Sunder, where Prabaker’s mother christens Lin with the name Shantaram, meaning Man of God’s Peace. On their way back to Bombay and after a night out, Lin and Prabaker are robbed. With all his possessions gone, Lin is forced to live in the slums, giving him shelter from the authorities and free rent in Bombay. After a massive fire on the day of his arrival in the slum, he sets up a free health clinic as a way to contribute to the community. He learns about the local culture and customs in this crammed environment, gets to know and love the people he encounters, and even becomes fluent in Marathi, the local language. He also witnesses and battles outbreaks of cholera and firestorms, becomes involved in trading with the lepers, and experiences how ethnic and marital conflicts are resolved in this densely crowded and diverse community.

The novel describes a number of foreigners of varied origin as well as local Indians, highlighting the rich diversity of life in Bombay. Lin falls in love with Karla, a Swiss-American woman who refuses to love him back, befriends local artists and actors landing him roles as an extra in several Bollywood movies, and is recruited by the Mumbai underworld for various criminal operations, including drug and weapons trade. Lin eventually lands in Bombay’s Arthur Road Prison, where he endures many beatings and other physical and mental abuse by guards, while existing under extremely squalid conditions, along with hundreds of other inmates. However, thanks to the protection of Afghani mafia don “Abdel Khader Khan”, Lin is eventually released, and works in black market currency exchange and passport forgery. Having travelled as far as Africa on trips commissioned by the mafia, Lin later goes to Afghanistan to smuggle weapons for mujahideen freedom fighters in Afghanistan. When his mentor Khan is killed, Lin realizes he became everything he grew to loathe and falls into depression after he returns. He decides that he must fight for what he believes is right, and build an honest life. The story ends with him planning to go to Sri Lanka which lays the premise for the sequel to this book.

Has anyone ever noticed there are certain roles when using the office bathroom? Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve noticed all the little mind games that go on. It’s unspoken, and no one ever actually acknowledged it, until now.

The owner

If you’re in that bathroom first, you own it. If you had the amazing luck of entering an empty bathroom then congratulations, you’re the big chief. In FourSquare terms you would be the mayor (just don’t go asking for a sash or a key to the city or anything, apparently you’re not actually the mayor – bummer hey). You can sit back and relax, knowing that you can take as long as you want, as long as you don’t give up your throne to…

The visitor

You’ve just walked in and dammit, the Mayor is already in attendance. It’s your responsibility to get in and get out as fast as you can, because they’re in for the long haul. No number 2’s today buddy! They’ve claimed the room, you’re only visiting. Scared of someone hearing you do your business? Come back later, unless you want to…

Challenge for the title

The mayor is in and the visitor has arrived. The visitor has made their way to the cubicle, while the Mayor sits tight and waits. Then nothing. It looks like we have ourselves a challenge. This becomes a battle of the bladders, who can hold out the longest, who can assert their authority on the cubicles. It’s a matter of sitting tight and making the least amount of noise possible. The one who holds out the longest wins. If you’re the mayor and you lose this challenge, then hang your head in shame. You were the top dog, and you let yourself down. Finish your business and get out sucker, there’s a new sheriff in town.

 

So that’s basically the gist of  it. It probably comes as a shock for those who have never really paid attention, but trust me. It’s all about the mind games, and protecting your privacy. I can assure you the next time you go to the toilet you’re going to wonder…do I challenge for the title?

 

 

OMG IT’S THE SUN! I’d forgotten this thing existed. First time we haven’t had rain in over a week, so amazing. I was up super early to feed Missy, and saw this beautiful view in the backyard. Hopefully today our backyard will be given a chance to dry out, and the coast will recover from the recent flooding.

Specials at IGA! All the lollies looked soooo good, but alas I had none. Pic didn’t turn out as clear as I wanted (iphone photo) but ah well.

Recently, I grew a colony of spots on my stomach. They are bloody sexy, let me tell you! They are so sexy, they put chicken pox and measles to shame. It would be like chicken pox meeting my spots in a bar and saying “yo”, and my spots just looking them up and down and then turning away, not saying a word. My spots are just that damn cool.

They’re bad enough that Mat is too freaked out to touch me. He thinks if he does they’ll swarm up his arm, and he’ll catch herpes. Even though I don’t actually have herpes, he has assumed my spots have the power to pass on that disease. It’s ok, I understand. Like I said, my spots are damn cool; the ability to pass on a new virus wouldn’t surprise me.

So I figured I had better go and actually see someone about it, and the first doctor told me it was either an allergy or a fungal infection. I got a prescription for ointment, and off I went. I thought about whether there was a chance I was lactose intolerant given the rash first surfaced when I was drinking more milk than normal. But then I did what I do best, and ignored the possibility. I love my milky cappuccinos too much!

A week later, also known as today, I decided I’d better go back for a checkup since the ointment hadn’t done anything. The rash was still there, and it had now become itchy. My original doctor wasn’t there today, so I saw someone new. She had one look at the virus and declared I had “Pityraisis Rosea”.

Pity what now?

Pityraisis Rosea.

Right.

Then I got the REALLY good news. There’s no treatment to get rid of it (it goes away by itself) and it lasts about 1 – 2 months. Awesome! Not only do I get the ability to scare my fiancee for a month (and I didn’t even have to wear a halloween costume) but I also get the bonus of getting so itchy that I need to scratch near my boobs in public. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Today must be my lucky day.

As soon as we left I did the first thing anyone does after seeing a doctor. I googled my new pity virus. Then I google image searched, just to compare rashes. I did it on my phone though, and was staring at the first result when Mat piped up “urgh, Kel that’s gross. Can you stop?” That’s when I realised that also on the same tab was a picture of a penis with a rash. Oops. I then got super embarrassed, and started giggling my head off. Given we were in a chemist at the time, it wasn’t my finest moment.

On a sidenote, here’s a link if you want to have a look at the google search results, and then have a giggle. Lots of scary looking private parts in there! Thank god I’ve not got it anywhere as serious as them.

I guess I’m lucky that I’ve managed to get a virus that is only in an area covered by a t-shirt. I don’t have to wander around scaring anyone or anything. Though, because I can, I will keep flashing Mat with my virus just to get a reaction from him. Yep, I’m totally mature. But hey, I have a rash that itches and that I can’t do anything to get rid of. I may as well use it for my own entertainment!