I’m an expressive person; when I’m excited, I let the whole world know it. If I’m laughing, it’s usually a big loud one, sometimes clapping involuntarily. But when I get angry, and I mean really really angry, I’m quiet. If it’s a minor annoyance then I’m noisy and let the steam come out of my ears. But when it’s something that shakes me to my core, for some reason I get the plugs, stick them in my ears, and let the pain quietly simmer inside. There’s no tears, there’s no yelling. There’s just silence. Cold, dark silence.
I think that’s when I’m at my scariest. It’s incredibly rare that I get that angry, but when I am, it might take me a week to get over it. It’s like I choose to just ignore the situation altogether, and just wallow in my depressive silence. I wish I could just sit on my bed, sob for about half an hour and be done with it. Instead, with the pain simmering inside I over analyse. The event is judged from every direction, and short term and long term effects are scrutinised. It’s all I can think about. I go through periods of thinking of the most drastic action I could take, through to just pretending everything’s ok and planting a big smile on my face.
I have no idea where I learned to control my feelings using this method, and I know it’s far from the best form of anger management. We all face challenges, and this is one of mine. I need to learn to discuss my problems until an appropriate resolution is found. It’s the only way to a happy existence, otherwise the same situations will just continue to arise until I can’t take it anymore, and the worst possible scenario is played out. That’s something I would prefer to avoid.
I have no idea of what point I’m trying to make with this blog post. Perhaps I’m just returning to the basics and using my blog as an online diary, visible for all to read, baring my soul; in which case it appears I’m much more comfortable voicing my thoughts through text rather than a verbal approach. That makes sense, since when I talk I tend to waffle on and take 10mins to explain something simple (I know many people can vouch for that). Anyways, I suppose I’ll continue on with my day now, and tonight I’ll begin taking those all important steps to lifelong happiness.
To all of you that read through this post with a hope of reading something worthwhile, I apologise. I guess this was one of those waffling moments. Thanks for reading, sorry it had no point, and have a great day.






