Kelly's World

I had to write about this because I was so shocked and horrified. Her name is Dani (Danielle), she’s 7, and is the equivalent of a normal 2 year old. The day the police found her she was in an overflowing diaper, with roaches and faeces surrounding her. A rookie police office entered the house where she lived, and promptly returned outside to vomit. A woman from Child Services sat in her car sobbing. The most shocking part of it all? Her mother thought there was nothing wrong.

“I’ve been in rooms with bodies rotting there for a week and it never stunk that bad,” Holste said later. “There’s just no way to describe it. Urine and feces — dog, cat and human excrement — smeared on the walls, mashed into the carpet. Everything dank and rotting.”

Holste was one of the police officers on duty that day.

You have to wonder what kind of people could allow this to happen to a child, how they can think that everything is OK. Having children is a major responsibility – you’re caring and nurturing another human being! You’re raising someone who will one day play a fundamental role in the human race. To allow a young girl to grow up and not know how to interact with people, not know how to receive a hug, or even how to laugh? That’s unforgiveable.

I’m so freaked out about having kids. I know that the day I give birth I will be moulding a child, someone who will later become a reflection of me, my beliefs, my attitudes, everything. I always insist I’m not having children whenever anyone asks. I would prefer to just say “no” and be done with the conversation than to enter into a debate on the topic. I have so much respect for mothers that can raise beautiful amazing people, so caring, so loving.

I know one day my time will come (shhh don’t tell anyone that I finally admitted it), and I know I will deal with it to the best of my ability. I can say with 100% confidence that I will NEVER, EVER raise a child like Danielle. I will never put another human being in that situation. I just hope that when my time comes I have the right support network around me to ensure this child learns to enjoy life as much as I do. I hope that one day Dani finally finds true happiness.

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So tonight I finally understood my plans for the next 5 years, it’s as clear as day. I know what I have to do, and when. And it’s exhilarating.

I spoke to my teacher after TAFE tonight (I’m currently studying the Queensland Criminal Code) and discussed with him my dream of doing forensics. We discussed home life, my boyfriend, plans for children etc. He explained his own history, as an investigator with the Queensland Police Force, and what I should expect when I join. And it was then, that I saw my path. I decided to make the plans public, to put it out there. That way, my friends and family can help keep me focused. They can ask the questions I need to think about, and help me to really prepare. So here goes.

Halfway through next year, after I return from a month overseas with the family I will begin preparations to join the police force. I will need to find out recruitment dates, and get my ass cracking in training for the physical side of things. The added bonus is I should have a killer body when it comes time to travel (shallow I know). After I’ve been in the police force for roughly 2 – 3 years, comes the bit I’m not keen about (yet). Children. One, two – who knows. But at least one – for Mat’s sake. During this time I will be looking to do more study – I’m not sure about whether I can handle full time or part time, but dammit I’ll be doing study of some sort. I’ll be aiming to do my Bachelor of Applied Science here with a major in forensics. After that’s completed, and the kids (still cringing at that word!) are at a stage where they’re relatively independent (child care – or even better, hand them over to Mum and she can keep them!) I’ll return to the Police Service, where I’ll start my progression into scenes of crime and the area I really want to be in.

So that’s it – after that I’ll probably turn old and grey, and have major highs and lows. Hey who knows, I might even shave my hair, or dye it pink. I’m crazy, I know (yes I’m being sarcastic). Personal life wise I really don’t know what’s going to happen. The parts Mat is included in is something we’ve discussed together, but whether he is there forever I can’t tell you. Shit happens.

But I’m feeling more optimistic and excited than ever. Tomorrow I’ll begin jogging, and I’ll be out there the day after, and the day after that. When I’m feeling down, I’ll read this post. I just know that one day, I’m going to be a proud police officer, a mother, a wife, and a sister who is someone you want to know when you get a speeding ticket *grin*