Dammit. Just caught the elevator down and ran into the new boss. Explaining I was going downstairs made me feel a bit dumb, but at least we bonded over his camping story from the weekend.

It’s 10.30am and my stomach is rumbling. How embarrassing.

Ok just requested a break for 10mins, I’ve crammed in morning tea and a loo break. Hope that takes care of it.

Goddammit. 11.30am and struggling to keep my eyes open. I’m sure it’s noticeable and thankfully we have just broken for lunch. Energy drink required STAT.

Where the hell did that lunch break go?? Just sculled a can of red bull so I should be right for the afternoon. Can’t believe I have brought myself to the point where I need energy drinks. Early night tonight.

Waiting for the boss to return, he asked for 15 more mins. Just realized I don’t freeze with the aircon in this office and it doesn’t blow directly on me. Win.

End of the day. It’s been excellent so far. For my plans for the rest of the week including my surgery so I’m set. Everyone seems to be pretty cool, but I have already picked out who the pedantic nerdy developer is. He reminded me we had met a year ago. Oops.

Let’s see what the rest of the week has in store.

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Not much has changed under the bandages – there’s a little bit more blood perhaps, but other than that it still looks like the same old skin sewn together. Boring!! I should take another picture so you can see the difference after a week; I’ll remember to do that tomorrow. It just looks like it’s all spread out within the patches, so when they come off it’s going to spill everywhere!! I’ll have to remember to wear shorts to the hospital so I don’t get my jeans caked in the stuff.

Today started off absolutely terrible, but ended up pretty great. First thing I did this morning was swing my leg out of bed, as if it was completely normal. I would say it had to do with habit, and it actually didn’t hurt until it hit the floor and the blood trickled down my leg. My shin and calf muscles have become increasingly painful to walk on, and my calf has even begun cramping a little. This is probably due to the fact that my leg has been elevated SO much, and iced so much, that when I put my foot down to start walking I don’t really give my muscles a chance to get some blood in them. I’ll just have to make sure I really focus on stretching out my leg tonight.

Anyhow, after I got out of bed and did my morning ritual (ex-shower, only loo, wash face, and let Turbo outside) I went back into the bedroom to get my water bottle. Putting the top in my mouth (my attempt to “carry it”) I headed to the kitchen. Just as I reached the tiled surface, BANG. I dropped the water bottle, it cracked (it was a hard plastic) and water went EVERYWHERE. Mat hadn’t gotten home from poker until midnight, so the last thing I wanted to do was wake him up. Instead I got a towel, slung it over my shoulder and went back to the kitchen, then used the crutches to mop up the mess.

I also had a killer of a headache, which I had associated with sleeping wrong. It turned out later it had a lot to do with the setup of my “workstation” in the living room. Lying on couch with my foot up I was spending every day looking to my left to the computer monitor so I could work. In hindsight it wasn’t the greatest of ideas. I’ve now switched position to the chaise, and will alternate it during the day so I’m not constantly looking in the same direction. I took some panadol, then during a phone conference I had this morning, laid down with an ice pack on my head. I don’t know if I was still tired, or it was the fact I was closing my eyes to block out any form of light lest I irritate my headache any more, or (more likely) the technical babble during the meeting was as boring as batshit, but I’m pretty sure I dozed off during the meeting. It would have only been for a few minutes at most, and what they were discussing was way over my head. I’m pretty sure no one missed me. The most amazing part of it all was that I was able to pick it up at the end, make some amazing points and summarise the outcome to my boss (who was also in the meeting – perhaps he fell asleep too). One of the other staff members who works from home skyped me to tell me she’d almost fallen asleep as well, so definitely not only me.

During the meeting I received a phone call on my mobile from my chiro – apparently I had an appointment this morning but they were half expecting I wouldn’t show. They thought it would have slipped my mind because I’d had a big week – CORRECT. We rescheduled for 11.30am, as I was desperate to see her to sort my neck out. When I arrived, she found the trouble spot on my neck and CRACK, instant relief. Headache was almost gone although the remnants hung around for a few more hours, possibly due to the muscle strain in my neck. Nothing a good massage can’t fix. It also turned out the receptionist at my chiro played netball on a Wednesday night at the same centre we do, and was actually in the opposing team when Mat went down with his shoulder dislocation! She hadn’t realised it was me until I left for the hospital with him. Small world.

Rest of the afternoon was uneventful. I played in the backyard with Turbo for about 5mins. Basically I picked up his toy hamburger, threw it down the lawn which he raced after, then I slowly crutched over to him. He ran away, I followed, he ran away again, I followed again. Went like that for a few minutes until he tired of how slow I was, and laid down in the grass. Fine – I can take a hint!!!

So now you know how exciting (not) my days are, I think it’s best I post blogs just weekly from this point; unless you’re really fascinated by my “keep leg up, sook a bit about how sore I am, get bored, blog about it” stories??  I’ll be sure to add some more pictures once the stitches are out and we’ll see just how awesome my scars are going to be!!

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Overnight was a disaster. He couldn’t sleep, he was nervous and excited and was like he had ants in his pants. I don’t think he managed half an hour of sleep. I had managed to go to bed without taking any painkillers because I was feeling good, but Mat woke me up at 1.30am to tell me he couldn’t sleep (I had moved my arms in my sleep and he thought it meant I was awake). From when I woke up I felt my leg aching, and couldn’t get back to sleep. After a little bit, Mat offered to get my painkillers which I reluctantly accepted. 20mins later I was dead to the world again. Not so for poor Mat – he spent the night trying to listen to music on the ipod in bed, getting up and watching tv, and purely lying in bed, but he just could not get back to sleep.

Mat left at 6.30am as he had to be at our friend’s place (he was going in a car with them) at 7, and they had to be in Tweed Heads by 10 (11am NSW time – we lose an hour when crossing the border). He kissed me goodbye and left, and still feeling a bit drugged up I soon fell back asleep. That was pretty much how my morning went – wake up, stare for about 5mins, go back to sleep. I eventually got up and moved into the living room, where I found Mat had set up an additional chair at the home PC for me, so I could “mix it up” and play some games during the day.

I started the home pc, while I made myself some vegemite on toast. Using the path of kitchen > desk, I managed to eat breakfast while playing on the computer. However, having one leg up on another chair meant that I was slightly twisted towards the computer, and it wasn’t very comfortable for long periods of time. I lasted an hour at the desk, then moved to the couch again. From there, the day purely existed as sleep – twitter – read – sleep – drink – twitter – read – sleep and so on. Very uneventful.

At one point I was concerned about the bruising on my shin, and a slight swelling of my foot, but upon googling it it appears it’s a common symptom post surgery. All I know is my shin is damn painful to touch, so I might start icing that area as well over the next few days. I’ll be phoning the hospital tomorrow as well just to confirm they’ve booked me in to see the surgeon and get my stitches out, so if it’s any worse tomorrow I’ll just mention it on the fly to the person on the phone and see if they think there’s any cause for concern. Otherwise it can just wait until I see the surgeon next week.

Up until dinner time, I’d managed the day fine by myself. I wanted to wash the dishes though, but I was having problems standing for long periods of time today (making a cup of tea was bad enough) so decided it would just have to wait for Mat. I”ll apologise like mad, but I really just didn’t feel like I was up for it today. Even thinking about cooking dinner I felt defeated. I discussed it with Pauline, and given my options were corn chips (my “easy option” lunch which I’m ashamed of), toast, or some pasta that I wasn’t sure how to cook and would require a fair bit of getting up and down, I decided I would wave the white flag and call my mother.

I rang and asked if she would mind coming over to cook me dinner, and immediately wished I hadn’t. I think I was tired and just wanted a “sure I’ll come over now”, and for her to come and just make it. I didn’t want to have to think about it. Instead, I was bombarded with questions of “what did I want” and “what shops were open” and “what food do you have in the house”. When she suggested making me scrambled eggs I gave up and just said not to worry about it – I would just make myself some toast. I guess I just felt that for her to come all the way over and to just cook scrambled eggs was a bit of a let down. Very unfair of me, but I blame it on the fact I was spoilt earlier in the week when she brought over her amazing lasagne *grin* Speaking of which, Mat had eaten the rest of it about 11.30pm last night.

After we hung up, she rung back twice to make sure I’d managed to make the toast. I was actually still on the couch watching the QLD Roar match, and told her I hadn’t even attempted it yet. I assured her that I would be fine making toast (as I’d made it earlier), and relieved she hung up. She also said that she had been thinking of calling me and seeing if I wanted to go for a drive just to get out of the house, but given how sore and achy I was today it was probably best that she didn’t.

Now I’m on the couch writing this post, having just taken some painkillers before bed. It’s the first time I’ve written my daily summary on the actual day, and I’m not sure what inspired me to write it now. It’s 1020pm, and Mat’s just rung to tell me they’re finally leaving Tweed Heads. He should get here around midnight or a bit later, so in essence he’s been awake for about 36 hours straight now. He’s going to be SHATTERED when he gets home. Since I’m so comfortable on the couch now, I think I’ll just sleep here until he gets home. Actually, I think I can feel the drugs starting to kick in, my entire leg just feels hot like fire, and my eyes are starting to close. Beats the usual dull ache I guess!!

Time to lay down and snooze for the 10th time today – night all!

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Mum also came over for a cup of tea in the morning, and we chatted for a bit. She bought over some mail for me which was the first bill from the hospital, damn they’re quick! I’ve got to call medicare and see what the process is, whether I pay outright and they pay me back, or if I can claim through them first then pay the difference etc. I’ll have to wait until Monday to contact them however.

I also decided today that I would make Sunday my productive day. I’m going to have to blog some ideas on things to do when you’re stuck on the couch (or bed), since I seemed to really be struggling for ideas. At the moment my “activities” range from sleeping on the couch, watching tv, reading a book, and incessantly checking twitter.

Other than that the day passed normally. No pain, a little bit of aching but nothing that required painkillers. I managed to shower without getting my patches wet, so that was awesome. Mat tends to think there’s a little bit more blood within the patches, but it’s not much so I would assume at this point there’s nothing to be concerned about. It looks as though I’m really starting to fall into a pattern with my leg – laziness!

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As you can possibly tell already, I’ve felt much more positive today. The day started with Mat getting up at 6.30am (earlier than he does normally) to totally re-set up my work computer in the living room so I can sit on a different part of the couch. I can get myself on and off the couch a lot easier now, which has made me a lot happier. It was so kind of him to get up and do that (I hadn’t asked mind you), I’m so so SO grateful for his help. After he had set that up for me, and I’d done some work for an hour or so (yeah that’s right – work!!) I decided I would challenge myself to get a cup of tea without having to wake up Mat. Normally this requires making the tea on the kitchen bench, walking to the couch and sitting down. Given my hands are full with the arms of my crutches, it wasn’t going to be that simple. Here’s, how I accomplished it:

Path taken by myself and the cup of tea from the starting point of the kitchen bench, to my sitting on the couch sipping on tea

Damn right – I used Microsoft paint and rainbow colours. That’s what boredom will do to you (plus I thought it was funny).

Phase 1 – Red. Making my cup of tea, and moving it to the edge of the kitchen bench. During this phase Mat woke up, heard me fiddling in the kitchen and immediately rose. He asked what I was doing, I played innocent and didn’t turn around, and simply said “nothing!” He huffed and went into the bathroom, so I offered him a cup of tea (although he would have had to get it himself after I’d made it haha).

Phase 2 – Orange. I didn’t draw the fridge in my picture, whoops. It’s to the right of the kitchen bench. So standing in front of the fridge, I balanced on my good leg and transferred the cup of tea from the bench to the edge of the desk.

Phase 3 – Yellow. This stage was easy – slide the cup down to the end of the desk next to the couch.

Phase 4 – Green. Me crutching around the living room to get settled on the couch in the corner next to the desk. I love our couch – so big and comfortable, except when you have a busted knee and try to sit on the chaise. See previous points about Mat changing so I am sitting on a different part of the couch now.

Phase 5 – Blue. Simply turning around on the couch, picking up my tea, and sipping it. SUCCESS!!

I was so proud of myself by achieving that this morning, I think I told everyone I almost spoke to about it. How sad!! But it was a small victory in regaining my independence, so I’m still stoked. I haven’t really attempted much else in the way of getting myself drinks/food since Mat’s been up since then, and wouldn’t let me lift a finger.

I also got to take my bandages off today, so I got my first view of what to expect in the way of scars.

The wounds on my knee covered with patches

Because of all the dried blood (or seepage) under the patches, I can’t really tell where there are stitches. I’m positive there’s some in the middle area, the darkest one running horizontal. It’s too long a cut not to have something holding it closed. For the one in the top left, I think I can see maybe one or two, but I don’t think there’s any in the cut bottom right. If you look at it through drug hazed eyes like my own, all of the cuts combined could almost be a retarded percentage symbol, or division symbol.

I took the bandages off about lunch time, then had to place them back over the top to hide it from Mat, as it tended to make him feel sick looking at it. He’s not real big on blood (yet as I type this he’s watching some dodgy horror movie about killer sheep?! Oh look, a sheep just ate someone’s intestines again). About 6.30pm tonight I decided it was time to go for the next major challenge, which was to have a shower. The hospital had given me some waste disposal bags to cut up so I could use to wrap around my knee and keep it watertight. (WTF?! There’s alien looking things in Mat’s horror movie now). I wrapped up my knee, and with Mat’s help taped it tight.

It took about half an hour from the time I started strapping my knee, to the time I was completely dried and on the couch again. Only about 10mins of that was physical water running time (c’mon – I washed my hair too, I’m normally waterwise). The rest was tiny baby steps working my way into the bathroom, getting in/out of the shower, and getting changed. What a mission! I’m yet to figure out a way to get out of the shower that doesn’t totally hurt, as we have a small step up out of the shower. I’ve also got to work on my strapping technique, since my knee was saturated. On the bright side of things, it meant I was able to wash a lot of the betadine off.

I also took a painkiller today about lunchtime, when my knee was aching a bit. Big mistake. I think I could have held off for a lot longer (OMG – a sheep just pulled off the guy’s penis is Mat’s horror movie. Has anyone seen Black Sheep? Don’t). After I took the painkiller it probably took about an hour to kick in, but from that point on I was a write off. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think straight, I felt like what I can only imagine a drugged up junkie would feel after taking a hit. I sat and stared on the couch, I was in between sleeping and being fully conscious. It was shit!! I’m definitely only taking them if I need to before going to sleep for the night. Other than that – I don’t want to feel like that again…I like being in control. I managed to chat to a few people online, and open some files for work, but didn’t accomplish anything worthwhile.

So the aims for tomorrow – get into a regular routine for my exercises the physio gave me (I’ll post full details tomorrow), and manage to have a shower with a dry knee afterwards. Anything else I can achieve will be a bonus, and I’ll try to keep my positive attitude going. After all, there’s a helluva lot of people worse off than me, I should be thankful. And I’ve got a LOT of things to be thankful for! See ya tomorrow!

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First and foremostly, I want to say I was completely naive in thinking this would be a breeze. I definitely didn’t consider how completely and utterly dependent I would become on other people. The pain – I can deal with it, no worries. But being dependent? Hardest thing I’ve ever had to do by far!

Today I struggled just to even get off and on the couch, and that was a huge blow to me. I hate having to ask help for every little thing. I like to think I’m independent, can stand on two feet and do whatever I need to do, when I want to do it. It’s just the way I’m built, and in everyday life if someone offers to help me it will take a bit before I say yes. So my advice to anyone getting a knee reconstruction? Be prepared to ask for help. Simple as that.

I have to admit, I cried a little bit today. Out of frustration more than anything. Mum came to visit this afternoon to drop off my painkillers and some lasagne she had made for us (vrey very kind, her lasagne is AMAZING. I tried to get off the couch, refusing help, because I wanted to walk her outside. So in the end I hurt my knee greatly in the area where I suspect there are stitches. I tried to hide the pain, and using the crutches walked to the side door. That was as far as I could get. I told her I would have to give up, and just go sit back down. Then promptly cried. Mat gave me a dirty look and told me to just sit down and stop pushing myself. Mum reiterated the point. I called defeat, tried to get back onto the couch, hurt myself again and promptly sweared and yelled for the next minute while Mat got up and helped me get back onto the couch. He’s been so patient, I love him dearly for it. Mind you, he’s also injured with a dislocated shoulder, so everything he’s been doing to help me has been one-armed. We’re the perfect pair aren’t we? He can be the legs, I’ll be the arms.

As previously mentioned, Mum picked up my painkillers today for me as well, as they weren’t available from the hospital when I checked out. It turns out the painkillers are called “Endone“, or oxycodone. It’s basically an opiate, and replaces morphine and heroin! Woah mumma. Knowing that, and also knowing the effects of drugs on my sister after she became addicted, I resolved to take them only when necessary. e.g. before going to bed so I can sleep without feeling my knee etc. I just don’t want to risk my health and well being. I think I possess the self control not to become addicted, but I just don’t know. I’d rather not take the chance.

Other than that today hasn’t been that eventful. I got out of hospital today, which I’ve already blogged my diary on that event. The only pain I am really feeling is when I try to get off/on the couch, which we can probably solve tomorrow by moving to a different part of the couch. The chaise might be just a little difficult for me at the moment. I’ve got a sore throat, which is probably from the tube they had to run down my throat during the operation to keep me ventilated. I’m sure that will go with time. It’s not unbearable, it’s just when I swallow that I notice it. I’ve also got to do a few exercises the physio taught me, two of them I’d done with my previous physio so nothing new there. The only one that I find difficult is the bend, where I’m bending my knee by pulling my thigh into the air. I’m guessing my knee is really quite swollen, so it’s a bit difficult to do it at the moment. And putting it back into the straight position can be a bit of a mission, and hurt a little. That’s the only exercise I really have problems with..

So all in all, I think it’s easy to see that I’m impatient and wishing it was all over already. My aim for day 2 is to accept people’s help, ask for it when I need it, and stop trying to do so many things myself….let’s see how it goes shall we?

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