It appears that overnight my ex-boyfriend updated his relationship status on Facebook to reflect that he is in a relationship with a new woman. The same woman that I suspected he was with only days after we broke up. I actually believe they were together before we even ended things, and I did ask him at the time but he denied it. I still didn’t believe him, but chose to just forget about it and move on.
Now that he has updated his status it has prompted responses and replies from a few of my friends. My own mother updated her status declaring that she has removed him from her facebook contacts, which was her attempt to be fiercely protective of me. Another friend messaged me to warn me before I logged on today. It also explained why yet another friend started randomly emailing me at midnight to tell me that I am better off without him (she is in another country at the moment so it wouldn’t have been a strange hour for her at the time).
While I love that my family and friends felt a need to protect me, it definitely made me ponder my own feelings on the subject and whether I actually needed protecting.
My initial response to his update was “I’m not surprised”. Even if they weren’t yet an item when we split up, or even shortly after, they were definitely together. The fact that he chose to deny it also doesn’t surprise me since I know from the past that he would lie at all costs to save himself (whether for pride or potential backlash). Now that the confirmation of their relationship is out there, I can honestly say that it really didn’t shock me.
My second emotion, although I tried to deny it, was one of disappointment, although it’s not as black and white as that sounds. I’m NOT hurt and disappointed that he is in a relationship – good for him! We were eventually going to end up in other relationships anyway, it was inevitable. I think perhaps the hurt and disappointment might be in my own direction, which is incredibly difficult to explain. Maybe it’s just that I am expecting a bit of pity from people? Pity in that I’m the one that is still single while he has got a new woman, I’m the one that got left behind etc etc.
Fact of the matter is that I am loving my life at the moment.
I live in a house with great people. I have fun every single day of my life in my new house. I have made new friends who challenge me and open my mind. I have formed stronger bonds with my old friends, knowing that they are there when I need them the most (I love you all very much and thank you). I have freedom and the ability to choose what I want to do and when I want to do it. I have found that I am attractive to the opposite sex, helping me to build my confidence and self-esteem. Most importantly, I have learned that when the going gets tough, I may have a hiccup and have a down patch, but I know that I am strong enough to get through it.
Nothing has stopped me so far, and I will be damned if I will let anything stop me in the future.
If I was still with my ex I know that I wouldn’t have learned any of this about myself, and I would have missed out on these incredible experiences. I would still be in a position where I was afraid to go out anywhere by myself. I would consider myself only one half of a duo, and incapable of operating solo. I would still question my looks, intelligence and appeal. I would be responsible for everything, and put down when things didn’t go the right way.
I wouldn’t be as happy as I am today.
So even if I don’t have a new boyfriend, I know that that’s because I chose for it to be that way. I am in control of my destiny, I am happier than ever, and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I am damn proud of who I am becoming. Why should I need a facebook status to show that off?



