Kelly's World

Late last night Mat got home with a ticket to a poker event being held in Tweed Heads, roughly 2 – 3 hours drive. Technically it was a QLD event, but because players could buy into the event, and the prizes were cash, it had to be held in NSW (QLD law prohibits the ability to buy in for tournaments other than in Casino’s – or something like that). It was a huge opportunity for him, given first prize was $20,000. A friend of ours had won the entry ticket, but as he wasn’t able to go he offered it to Mat. Mat accepted, but told him he’d have to check with me to make sure I would be alright by myself for a whole day. When he asked, I laughed and told him to go – there was no way it would be fair of me to hold him back, and besides, I’m able to do most things for myself at the moment. I told him as long as I could get out of bed, go to the loo, and make a cup of tea then I would be fine (silly me). Props to him for being worried about me though, it’s nice to know the extent to which he cares.

Overnight was a disaster. He couldn’t sleep, he was nervous and excited and was like he had ants in his pants. I don’t think he managed half an hour of sleep. I had managed to go to bed without taking any painkillers because I was feeling good, but Mat woke me up at 1.30am to tell me he couldn’t sleep (I had moved my arms in my sleep and he thought it meant I was awake). From when I woke up I felt my leg aching, and couldn’t get back to sleep. After a little bit, Mat offered to get my painkillers which I reluctantly accepted. 20mins later I was dead to the world again. Not so for poor Mat – he spent the night trying to listen to music on the ipod in bed, getting up and watching tv, and purely lying in bed, but he just could not get back to sleep.

Mat left at 6.30am as he had to be at our friend’s place (he was going in a car with them) at 7, and they had to be in Tweed Heads by 10 (11am NSW time – we lose an hour when crossing the border). He kissed me goodbye and left, and still feeling a bit drugged up I soon fell back asleep. That was pretty much how my morning went – wake up, stare for about 5mins, go back to sleep. I eventually got up and moved into the living room, where I found Mat had set up an additional chair at the home PC for me, so I could “mix it up” and play some games during the day.

I started the home pc, while I made myself some vegemite on toast. Using the path of kitchen > desk, I managed to eat breakfast while playing on the computer. However, having one leg up on another chair meant that I was slightly twisted towards the computer, and it wasn’t very comfortable for long periods of time. I lasted an hour at the desk, then moved to the couch again. From there, the day purely existed as sleep – twitter – read – sleep – drink – twitter – read – sleep and so on. Very uneventful.

At one point I was concerned about the bruising on my shin, and a slight swelling of my foot, but upon googling it it appears it’s a common symptom post surgery. All I know is my shin is damn painful to touch, so I might start icing that area as well over the next few days. I’ll be phoning the hospital tomorrow as well just to confirm they’ve booked me in to see the surgeon and get my stitches out, so if it’s any worse tomorrow I’ll just mention it on the fly to the person on the phone and see if they think there’s any cause for concern. Otherwise it can just wait until I see the surgeon next week.

Up until dinner time, I’d managed the day fine by myself. I wanted to wash the dishes though, but I was having problems standing for long periods of time today (making a cup of tea was bad enough) so decided it would just have to wait for Mat. I”ll apologise like mad, but I really just didn’t feel like I was up for it today. Even thinking about cooking dinner I felt defeated. I discussed it with Pauline, and given my options were corn chips (my “easy option” lunch which I’m ashamed of), toast, or some pasta that I wasn’t sure how to cook and would require a fair bit of getting up and down, I decided I would wave the white flag and call my mother.

I rang and asked if she would mind coming over to cook me dinner, and immediately wished I hadn’t. I think I was tired and just wanted a “sure I’ll come over now”, and for her to come and just make it. I didn’t want to have to think about it. Instead, I was bombarded with questions of “what did I want” and “what shops were open” and “what food do you have in the house”. When she suggested making me scrambled eggs I gave up and just said not to worry about it – I would just make myself some toast. I guess I just felt that for her to come all the way over and to just cook scrambled eggs was a bit of a let down. Very unfair of me, but I blame it on the fact I was spoilt earlier in the week when she brought over her amazing lasagne *grin* Speaking of which, Mat had eaten the rest of it about 11.30pm last night.

After we hung up, she rung back twice to make sure I’d managed to make the toast. I was actually still on the couch watching the QLD Roar match, and told her I hadn’t even attempted it yet. I assured her that I would be fine making toast (as I’d made it earlier), and relieved she hung up. She also said that she had been thinking of calling me and seeing if I wanted to go for a drive just to get out of the house, but given how sore and achy I was today it was probably best that she didn’t.

Now I’m on the couch writing this post, having just taken some painkillers before bed. It’s the first time I’ve written my daily summary on the actual day, and I’m not sure what inspired me to write it now. It’s 1020pm, and Mat’s just rung to tell me they’re finally leaving Tweed Heads. He should get here around midnight or a bit later, so in essence he’s been awake for about 36 hours straight now. He’s going to be SHATTERED when he gets home. Since I’m so comfortable on the couch now, I think I’ll just sleep here until he gets home. Actually, I think I can feel the drugs starting to kick in, my entire leg just feels hot like fire, and my eyes are starting to close. Beats the usual dull ache I guess!!

Time to lay down and snooze for the 10th time today – night all!

Today was when my body thermal management system broke down. We had the air con going all day, but I just could not cool down!! Ice pack on the knee, countless drinks of water and other cool beverages, and just would not cool down.

Mum also came over for a cup of tea in the morning, and we chatted for a bit. She bought over some mail for me which was the first bill from the hospital, damn they’re quick! I’ve got to call medicare and see what the process is, whether I pay outright and they pay me back, or if I can claim through them first then pay the difference etc. I’ll have to wait until Monday to contact them however.

I also decided today that I would make Sunday my productive day. I’m going to have to blog some ideas on things to do when you’re stuck on the couch (or bed), since I seemed to really be struggling for ideas. At the moment my “activities” range from sleeping on the couch, watching tv, reading a book, and incessantly checking twitter.

Other than that the day passed normally. No pain, a little bit of aching but nothing that required painkillers. I managed to shower without getting my patches wet, so that was awesome. Mat tends to think there’s a little bit more blood within the patches, but it’s not much so I would assume at this point there’s nothing to be concerned about. It looks as though I’m really starting to fall into a pattern with my leg – laziness!

This morning I woke up at 1.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. The ache of my knee was horrible. I just wanted to bend it, or sleep on my side, or anything. So as you can tell, I was a bit sooky at that time of the morning.

And once again, hero Mat comes to the rescue. He wakes up and realises I am sitting up rubbing my knee. Without a complaint, he went and got my painkillers for me, made sure I had everything I needed, then went back to sleep. I took a painkiller and attempted to read rss feeds on my phone but before too long the drugs had kicked in and my head started drooping. I put the phone away and settled down to sleep for another few hours.

Today was also an important day work wise. We were trying to get a beta software version built so we could release it to some customers for testing over the Christmas break. My particular role was to make sure the release notes were done, and test the install once built. Let me assure you, they were both extremely hard tasks to do with a fuzzy head.

About mid-morning after release note writing, I excused myself from the staff meeting and had a sleep instead. My head was spinning, I felt a little nauseous, not good. I slept for an hour or so, and felt so much better afterwards.

That’s pretty much how the day went. Work, get tired, nap. Work, get tired, nap. I have also found it’s easier for me to get flustered with work – I can only focus on one thing at a time. It might be environmental though, working from a couch doesn’t really encourage productivity. I’m sure it will pass when I return to the office in the new year.

Today I really suffered from boredom as well. You can only really sit in the same spot on the couch for so long. I passed the time by stirring Mat and sleeping, but really struggled when I was working. Motivation wasn’t there, and I just wanted to see something different than our living room. My prayers were answered when my mate Adam rang to see if Mat and I were interested in coming round and chilling at their house.

Mat hadn’t driven a manual since doing his shoulder, as it was his left that he had injured – his gear shifting arm. But since we wanted to go to Adam and Chere’s, we would need transportation and he decided to give it a try. He was able to change gears, and although it hurt in the beginning his arm seemed to free up more and more. It was still aching when we got home later though, so we immediately put some ice on it.

So tomorrow, being a weekend and no work to do, will be a challenge in finding exciting things to do to keep myself occupied. My sister’s mate came through with a suggestion I should finish rating all my music in iTunes, which Is a killer idea!! Stay tuned for my announcement when I finally do it (600 songs to go so probably within *checks watch* 8 hours?? Yes that’s how bored I am!).

I was watching tv today when I heard the amazing quote I’ve used in the title. I think I’m just going to try and remind myself of it every day, it just makes so much sense to me. It suits what I’ve done to perfection – I’ve had a “setback” in the form of my knee reconstruction, and temporarily losing the ability to do basic things for myself. But the surgery was also the setup for making my knee more stronger than it has been in 2 months, and allowing myself to really “come back” in the form of a much stronger, healthier person. I can’t wait to show you what I can do in a year.

As you can possibly tell already, I’ve felt much more positive today. The day started with Mat getting up at 6.30am (earlier than he does normally) to totally re-set up my work computer in the living room so I can sit on a different part of the couch. I can get myself on and off the couch a lot easier now, which has made me a lot happier. It was so kind of him to get up and do that (I hadn’t asked mind you), I’m so so SO grateful for his help. After he had set that up for me, and I’d done some work for an hour or so (yeah that’s right – work!!) I decided I would challenge myself to get a cup of tea without having to wake up Mat. Normally this requires making the tea on the kitchen bench, walking to the couch and sitting down. Given my hands are full with the arms of my crutches, it wasn’t going to be that simple. Here’s, how I accomplished it:

Path taken by myself and the cup of tea from the starting point of the kitchen bench, to my sitting on the couch sipping on tea

Damn right – I used Microsoft paint and rainbow colours. That’s what boredom will do to you (plus I thought it was funny).

Phase 1 – Red. Making my cup of tea, and moving it to the edge of the kitchen bench. During this phase Mat woke up, heard me fiddling in the kitchen and immediately rose. He asked what I was doing, I played innocent and didn’t turn around, and simply said “nothing!” He huffed and went into the bathroom, so I offered him a cup of tea (although he would have had to get it himself after I’d made it haha).

Phase 2 – Orange. I didn’t draw the fridge in my picture, whoops. It’s to the right of the kitchen bench. So standing in front of the fridge, I balanced on my good leg and transferred the cup of tea from the bench to the edge of the desk.

Phase 3 – Yellow. This stage was easy – slide the cup down to the end of the desk next to the couch.

Phase 4 – Green. Me crutching around the living room to get settled on the couch in the corner next to the desk. I love our couch – so big and comfortable, except when you have a busted knee and try to sit on the chaise. See previous points about Mat changing so I am sitting on a different part of the couch now.

Phase 5 – Blue. Simply turning around on the couch, picking up my tea, and sipping it. SUCCESS!!

I was so proud of myself by achieving that this morning, I think I told everyone I almost spoke to about it. How sad!! But it was a small victory in regaining my independence, so I’m still stoked. I haven’t really attempted much else in the way of getting myself drinks/food since Mat’s been up since then, and wouldn’t let me lift a finger.

I also got to take my bandages off today, so I got my first view of what to expect in the way of scars.

The wounds on my knee covered with patches

Because of all the dried blood (or seepage) under the patches, I can’t really tell where there are stitches. I’m positive there’s some in the middle area, the darkest one running horizontal. It’s too long a cut not to have something holding it closed. For the one in the top left, I think I can see maybe one or two, but I don’t think there’s any in the cut bottom right. If you look at it through drug hazed eyes like my own, all of the cuts combined could almost be a retarded percentage symbol, or division symbol.

I took the bandages off about lunch time, then had to place them back over the top to hide it from Mat, as it tended to make him feel sick looking at it. He’s not real big on blood (yet as I type this he’s watching some dodgy horror movie about killer sheep?! Oh look, a sheep just ate someone’s intestines again). About 6.30pm tonight I decided it was time to go for the next major challenge, which was to have a shower. The hospital had given me some waste disposal bags to cut up so I could use to wrap around my knee and keep it watertight. (WTF?! There’s alien looking things in Mat’s horror movie now). I wrapped up my knee, and with Mat’s help taped it tight.

It took about half an hour from the time I started strapping my knee, to the time I was completely dried and on the couch again. Only about 10mins of that was physical water running time (c’mon – I washed my hair too, I’m normally waterwise). The rest was tiny baby steps working my way into the bathroom, getting in/out of the shower, and getting changed. What a mission! I’m yet to figure out a way to get out of the shower that doesn’t totally hurt, as we have a small step up out of the shower. I’ve also got to work on my strapping technique, since my knee was saturated. On the bright side of things, it meant I was able to wash a lot of the betadine off.

I also took a painkiller today about lunchtime, when my knee was aching a bit. Big mistake. I think I could have held off for a lot longer (OMG – a sheep just pulled off the guy’s penis is Mat’s horror movie. Has anyone seen Black Sheep? Don’t). After I took the painkiller it probably took about an hour to kick in, but from that point on I was a write off. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t think straight, I felt like what I can only imagine a drugged up junkie would feel after taking a hit. I sat and stared on the couch, I was in between sleeping and being fully conscious. It was shit!! I’m definitely only taking them if I need to before going to sleep for the night. Other than that – I don’t want to feel like that again…I like being in control. I managed to chat to a few people online, and open some files for work, but didn’t accomplish anything worthwhile.

So the aims for tomorrow – get into a regular routine for my exercises the physio gave me (I’ll post full details tomorrow), and manage to have a shower with a dry knee afterwards. Anything else I can achieve will be a bonus, and I’ll try to keep my positive attitude going. After all, there’s a helluva lot of people worse off than me, I should be thankful. And I’ve got a LOT of things to be thankful for! See ya tomorrow!

6.30 – well, it’s d-day. Started fasting last night, and this morning all I want is a cup of tea (but can’t). I am tired but adrenaline and nerves will probably kick in at the hospital. I am still totally calm, not stressed at all. It’s time to have a shower (with their antiseptic wash) and get down there.

7.20am – arrived at the hospital, handed a form and asked to sit down. I fill it out, and end up causing the lady at the hospital all sorts of extra work as my medicare number was different to the one they had listed. She had to re-print labels with my details, and apply about 15 labels to different page in my file. Just sitting here waiting for someone to come and get me now. 

8.00am – They came and got me, and took me to a room to get changed. This is where I had to say goodbye, and I actually started feeling a little sad. He looked so worried, and said he loved me about 5 times *grin* It was such a hasty goodbye, I felt bad. But I was ushered into a room, handed two gowns – purple and white – with the purple going on first (opening at the back) and white (over the top, opening at the front). I was also handed some very sexy white paper undies that I had to wear. I was so nervous I bumped into a trolley, and the nurse and I laughed. She had to shave my leg with an electric razor (I’d been too worried to shave myself in case I got a shaving cut. Any cuts on the area to be operated on would cause them to cancel the surgery). She then caked my leg in betadine, and covered it with a cloth taped to my leg. After that, we went into an interview room where she checked with me about 5 times if I was positive it was my right leg. I was weighed, blood pressure tested, and questioned about any allergies, metal parts in my body (e.g. piercings, screws etc). A compression sock was put on my left leg to ensure no blood cloths formed during the period of inactivity. I was then sent to the waiting room for all the patients. I was given a reclining chair and told to put my leg up, and to put a blanket on. Keeping warm would relax all my veins etc.

9.30am – i had been waiting in there for an hour and a half. I actually spent the time sleeping – not sure why I’m so tired. My name was finally called, and we walked into another room. I went to the loo again (nerves kicking in), and asked my name and date of birth, and confirmed my hospital bracelet matched my records (for my UR number). I would be questioned on my name and date of birth every time I met someone new from that point on – going into surgery, getting painkillers after etc. They were very thorough. In this new room, I was also asked again on whether I was absolutely positive about whether it was the right knee. I actually started getting worried, racking my brain to make sure there was nothing I’d forgotten.

9.45am – They checked for any allergies again, then lying on a bed I was wheeled into the anaesthesiasts room (she called it her “fridge”). She explained it was kept cold to ensure the surgeons didn’t warm up and start to sweat (bacteria). They put the catheter in my hand, then I was left there for a bit while they finished setting up. The surgeon came in and greeted me, double checked the leg, then drew a nice big arrow on my leg to point out which knee it was. 

10.00am – they put in the general anaesthetic, and wheeled me into the surgery. I moved myself onto the table, then vaguely remember talking to one of the surgeon’s about jager bombs, then I was out of it. I have no memory of the surgery at all.

11.30 – apparently I arrive in the ward. I have no recollection.

12.00 – 5.00pm – I managed to wake up in little bursts, eat a little bit of food and post twitter updates, before crashing heavily again. Each time I woke up it was because the nurses were checking my blood pressure, pulse and temperature.  I really can’t remember much over this time.

5.30pm – Mum arrives with a nice candle thing for a present, and some chocolates. It’s great to see a familiar face, and she fusses over me trying to make sure I’m set up and everything is within reach. Very nice of her. She stays for about an hour and a half just chatting, and helps me eat my dinner. I can’t stand pumpkin, so she eats it for me (after I spend about 15mins trying to convince her to eat it). It took me about an hour to eat my dinner, and I only finished a breadroll, about 3/4 of my cheese omlette, mashed potato and beans. It was cold by the time I really started to get into it, but it tasted so good! Mum also bought me a bottle of water and diet coke, the diet coke being a lifesaver in helping my stomach settled. Mat calls and tells me he can’t find a way to get into the hospital – he can’t drive because he dislocated his arm the Thursday before, and our closest mates are busy, we didn’t dare ask anyone else. Mum offered, but it would be approximately a 1hr round drive for her between picking him up, coming back to the hospital, dropping him home, then going home again. I tell her not to worry about it. Mat’s upset he can’t come, but we both understand the circumstances, and it’s not that big a deal to me. Mum also takes a photo of my leg.

My knee hours after the surgery

7.00pm – Get up for the first time to go to the toilet. They offered to let me use some rolling thing, but said I’d be fine with crutches. I’m a bit wobbly, but I get there. On the toilet I make the mistake of flexing my hamstring and almost scream out in pain. Made a mental note to ensure I didn’t flex my hamstring again. Make it back to bed with no more issues. Because I stupidly brought top & bottom pyjamas, I end up being given a hospital dressing gown to wear to bed, totally sexy. I was given some heavy painkillers to go with my dinner, and try as hard as I can I can’t stay awake once I reach the bed again. I tell Mum I’m going to fall asleep, so she may as well go home, kiss her goodbye and she’s on her way. I think I’m asleep before she’s even left the room. 

8.30pm – wake again, and this time I manage to stay awake to actually remember what I’m doing. I start reading my book, as well as watch some tv and more twitter updates. Mat comes online on msn, and we chat for about an hour or so. The nurses are mighty impressed by the iphone and IM abilities. 

10pm – the lady down the end has resumed snoring very very loudly. I praise the lord that I thought to bring my ipod with me so I can drown out her sound. I haven’t yet found a powerpoint to charge my iphone, so using the ipod allows me to save the iphone’s batteries. Just as I start to watch good news week I’m presented with some more painkillers. The nurse also informs me I’m meant to be wearing a knee brace, so she locates one for me and we put it on. I last until about 1/2 way through the podcast, then I’m knocked out again courtesy of the painkillers.

10.30 – 2am (second day) – I wake up to hear the lady snoring, and change my ipod to play music with 1/2 hour timer. I wake up periodically, and reset the ipod to play again. I should have just let it play overnight. At 2am I wake up and wonder if they had taken my blood pressure, temperature and pulse at midnight like they said they would. I think it actually looks light outside my curtain, check my iphone to see what time it is, realise its 2am and go back to sleep. 

6am (second day) – wake up with the nurse inserting more antibiotics through the catheter (I’d been disconnected from the IV drip last night after my first trip to the loo). She also checks my pulse, blood pressure and temperature. The other nurse walks past and sees I’m awake, and tells me I was dead to the world last night at midnight when she came to check on me. We laugh, and I told her I hope I wasn’t too painful to navigate my limbs so she could do the necessary tests. She assures me I was fine. She asked about my ipod (because I had that playing in my ears), and I explain I’d been watching good news week then some music. She tells me she absolutely loves that show and never realised it was available as a podcast. She has a new nano, so I inform her on where to find it in the iTunes store.

7am (second day) – breakfast arrives, and I down a wholemeal breadroll with butter & strawberry jam, apple juice, and banana. I try to stay awake, but I’m soon fast asleep again, damn painkillers.

8am (second day) – the surgeron comes in with a couple of aids, and checks on my knee. It turns out I don’t need the brace as he didn’t have to make any repairs to my meniscus cartilage (which is good). He said they’d had a look around with the camera, and my ligament was completely torn….far out! He said the surgery went perfectly, and he’s really happy with the results. He tells me I need to come back and see him in 2 weeks to get the stitches out. They’re dissolvable, so if I’m wussy I can leave them in (they’ll fall out as they’re on the outside), but I said I’m tough and will see him then. 

8.30am (second day) – time for a shower. The nurse takes my catheter out of my hand, and puts a cotton wool bud over it (taped down). Using the crutches I work my way in where the nurse has already dropped my bag off. She’s placed a seat in the shower for me, but I prefer to stand. In the end the seat is totally in the way, so I pick it up and put it on the other side of the shower curtain. I find I can actually put some weight on my leg, which is great. The rest of the shower is uneventful. I manage not to get much water on my bandage courtesy of the tremendous wrapping job by the nurse – plastic bag over my knee and taped down. I get changed, and I’m stoked when I realise my jeans will fit over my bandage.

10.30am (second day) – the physio was meant to arrive around 9am, but he’s running late. They’d rung him about 10am, and he only just showed up at half past. Luckily I’d arranged with Kim I’d call her before she made her way to the hospital to pick me up (she had her baby Hayden in the car so was easier for me to meet her downstairs). I find out the way my leg has been supported has been wrong, and that I need to keep my leg completely straight. I get lessons on walking with the crutches – I’m actually using them to walk with my leg – I’m not hopping. I also get given my exercises that I need to do over the next fortnight, consisting of straightening my leg (by flexing my quad), bending my knee (within pain boundaries), and moving my foot up & down. He writes my referral for my physio that I’d been seeing (Anthony Thomas at Physiocare – can’t recommend him enough, he’s fantastic!!) describing exactly what procedures had been done and his recommendations on what I need to do. 

11.30am (second day) – the physio is long gone, and we’ve been waiting for a wardie to come and collect me in a wheelchair to take me downstairs. Kim has arrived, and ended up having to go to a different carpark because I was still stuck upstairs. They wouldn’t let me go on my crutches, thought it was too far. I don’t think I’d have managed with all the bags I had anyway. In the end, a nurse went and found a wheelchair and wheeled me down herself. My painkillers to take home weren’t yet available from the pharmacy, so mum agreed to go and pick them up for me later on her way home. What a good mum I have!! 

2.05pm – I’m now at home with my leg elevated, and icepack on. Mat was home, and made me some lunch, got me a drink and set me all up with the computer. What a lovely boy. I’ve now typed up all the blog you’ve just read (if you made it this far congratulations are in order) and I’m absolutely knackered. I think it’s time to go have another nap in bed. Part of me wants to go to netball tonight to watch our team, but everyone is telling me I shouldn’t. Nevermind that we can’t get there *grin* Mum said she’ll be coming around tonight with a lasagne she made for us (how lucky am I!!) so I could try and convince her to take me *evil grin*. Obviously I’m not one of those people that can just stay at home and rest….I guess I’ll have to learn over the next fortnight. Bed time, ciou!