And then this happened:

Last Thursday I was unlucky enough to bust my knee during a game of Netball. I’m not sure what happened exactly, if it dislocated or not, but it felt like my knee went one way and my body went another. Long story short and two days later I am on crutches with a big puffy knee that I can’t put much pressure on.

Three months later, it was followed by this:

My knee just after my knee reconstruction surgery

That was in December of 2008. After 2.5 years I’m finally making my way back to the netball court, under the blessings of my physio. I should point out this is also NOT under the blessings of my sister or one of my best mates. I believe their statements were along the lines of “you’re a dickhead”.

I won’t lie to you all. I’m scared, very scared. I don’t want to hurt myself, and I know that I run the risk of doing so by stepping back onto the court. Realistically though, every single person who partakes in any sport is taking a risk, and it would be foolish to believe otherwise. I’ve been doing my exercises and I’ve put in the hard yards with the physio. My body is as ready as it’s ever going to be.

I’ll also confess and say that it wasn’t my idea to get back out there. Truth be told, I probably wouldn’t be out there if C hadn’t asked me to join his team. I’ve had a few offers from friends and I’ve turned them down because it was easy to ignore them, but when C challenged me I accepted. He’d timed it perfectly.

I’ve had the craving to play again before but I’d always been able to push the thought to the back of my mind. A few weeks ago I watched the final between Australia and New Zealand, and was literally standing in the middle of the living room screaming at the defence to get an intercept. I felt the rush of the game come flooding back, and I wanted to play. C saw that, asked, and I accepted. I know I’m not doing this under any pressure from him at all, I’m going back because I want to. I’m scared, but I’m also nervously excited.

The most important thing is that I need to have realistic expectations for myself so I don’t get frustrated. I need to understand and accept that I’m not going to be as fast as I used to be, or that I won’t be able to move my feet as quickly as I could. I need to realise that it’s OK that I’m going to be afraid on the court the first time, and that I won’t be playing like a superstar (not that I ever did in the first place). I can only do my best and be proud of myself for being brave enough to get out there. I’m not sure how I’ll respond when I get out there; whether I’ll be afraid of people coming near me or if I’ll just stay rooted to the same spot for fear of moving. I might also go to the completely opposite end of the scale, and feel my competitive nature come flooding back as I play harder than I’ve ever played before.

I believe there will be some huge benefits in it for me. By playing again and seeing that my knee holds up I won’t be afraid of doing a fitness test anymore, one that I’ve been putting off for about a year now. That more than anything has really held me back; it’s the dark black thought niggling at the back of my mind saying “you’re afraid, you’re so pathetic, you’re afraid”. It’s true; I’ve been afraid to put my knee under the strain of the test, which meant that I wasn’t able to apply for the police service (I need to pass the beep test as part of the application process). My physio believes that while my knee is ready to return, he thinks I’ll psych myself out. I think that once again he’s spot on. Time to be brave and overcome my fears.

Wish me luck. I’m afraid, but I’m excited.

Kelsbells the netballer is back.

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Since he didn’t need to spend half an hour making me feel like he was ripping my hamstring from my body, he decided he would attempt to hurt me in the gym instead. I did a trampoline session followed by a few reps of hopping onto a spongy surface, and then did the jump test. That was followed by jumping squats and lunges (until I was super fatigued), before he showed his trump card: the rowing machine. 6 mins, hardest resistance level and GO!

My butt muscles are still cramped.

I was over the moon when he said that we could now extend the sessions to every three weeks. Not only does that mean less torture sessions, and the obvious sign that I’m getting stronger, it also means that I get to save more money. That’s incredibly important now I’m a single woman facing the world on my own. Every dollar I save the faster I pay off my loan, become debt free, and rule the world with my (potential) carefree attitude.

I hope the good news just keeps on rolling in.

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You read correctly, by the way. Yes, I’m back to riding my bike.

I only really blogged about the setback with my knee through a photo of the day,  but basically the my VMO got very lazy. In simple terms, the VMO is the muscle that is responsible for holding my knee cap in place, so whenever I was running/riding/whatever, I was putting some serious strain on my knee. It came to a head one day when my knee just ballooned one day, and was a little bit sore to walk on. The physio had one look at it and said “no running, no riding, nothing. Minimal walking”.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I found out that I wasn’t able to participate in the Sydney City 2 Surf, a 10km run in Sydney. I had done it last year, and swore that this year I would run the whole thing. Instead, I wasn’t able to go in it at all. I put on a brave face to the physio, but got home and cried. I think I was devastated more for the fact that yet again I was back to being injured, and I was sick of it!

Well, nearly 3 weeks later and after religiously doing whatever the physio told me to, I was allowed to participate in the Bridge to Brisbane. This was another 10km event, but I had strict instructions that I was to walk on any slope (uphill or downhill) and that I was only allowed to run approximately 100m or so for every kilometre. Mat and I did it, completing the track in just over 1.5 hours. Throughout the race it was clear that Mat could have run faster and further than I could, but despite my insistance that he should keep going, he stated that he had wanted to do this with me, and thus he was staying with me. I secretly was pretty thrilled, and thought that was incredibly awesome of him. End of the day we were both a little tired, I was sore (Mat wasn’t), but the main thing was that my knee held up really well. So well in fact, that my physio has allowed me to return to riding my bike, which brings me back to today.

So what else has been on my plate? Uni study. I let myself get a little behind, and I’m currently trying to catch up. Every night of the week is study night at the moment, but it’s tough. At the moment I’m studying differentials (maths), and struggling a little bit. I’ll keep pushing on though, I’ve only got 2.5 weeks until I have to hand in my assignment. Needless to say, a lot of my extra time will be dedicated to maths. Looking forward to my “school holidays” in a few weeks!

I think that’s pretty much everything at the moment. I have a list of blog posts that I want to write when I can, as well as get a few more photos of the day up. Wow, it’s never-ending is it! Lucky I enjoy this *grin*

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When I graduated high school, I planned to spend a year being a stupid teenager, spending all night partying and sleeping in all day. I was bored within a matter of months, and took up part time TAFE classes in subjects that were pathetically easy. How to use Microsoft Word, Excel and Power Point. Yawn. I did it with three of my friends, and I had finished the class in only a few days (as it was work at your own pace). I was still bored. So I quit my casual waitressing job at a cafe and got a job doing a full time business administration traineeship. That was in 2002. 8 years later, and here I am, still working for the same company. I never ended up going to university, instead working my way through the ranks at the company to where I’m now responsible for software support and support software administration. I wish they’d give me those titles, and a payrise.

My employers are aware of my career goals though. It took a little bit for me to be honest with them, and when I finally explained they were glad to hear it. They had been worried why I wasn’t pushing for promotions, and questioning whether I had any ambition or not. They’re totally supportive with my goals, and know that one day I plan on leaving. Almost 5 years ago now I completed my studies to join the police force; all that remained was my fitness. I was lazy, and did nothing about it. My goal stayed in my wish list, and I carried on floating around, doing whatever took my fancy that particular day. Until two years ago, when I gave myself a bit of a mental slap. I realised I was mid 20′s, and still hadn’t made a serious move towards getting in. I started training, and then did my knee.

It took a year of physiotherapy, but I finally recovered from my knee reconstruction. I started training and I lost weight (14kg to date since last September). My fitness was better than ever before, and then bad luck struck again. At the end of last month I went for a jog one day, came home and within half an hour found I could barely stand on my leg. It turns out I’m due for more physio and rehabilitation, as one of my muscles on the inside of my thigh is incredibly weak. Basically, my kneecap is getting displaced when I exercise; it’s almost like trying to work out with a dislocated kneecap – not fun. Hence, once again I find myself in a position where I’m unable to do any serious training – no running. It’s pushed me back again with my attempts of trying out for the police force and while I’ve had some setbacks, I am still driven towards getting there. No matter how long it takes me.

So once again, I find myself waiting it out, and craving for some mental stimulation. Along came Jo, who pointed out I could do uni flexible learning from home. She sent me a link, where I did a few searches and found this course, Introduction to Forensic Science. PERFECT!

Unfortunately, financially I’m not currently in a position to pay upfront for uni. Mat and I are looking to pay off some debts that we have accrued, and put ourselves in a better position so that we can move out. We need to be free of enough debt that we won’t feel the strain when I join the police service and become reduced to a trainee pay for the 6 months of training at the police academy. Hence, it might be the case that in order to do this uni study I need to consider a HECS debt. It kinda goes against my attempts to pay off debt though doesn’t it? Hmm.

The uni provided a fees calculation as per the following:

The figure I am mainly concerned with is “Fees per course” – only an average of $531. I’m only looking at doing one course this semester, and I’m pretty ashamed I can’t even spare $500. Such is life I guess.

Right now my brain is switched off, so I haven’t investigated too much (I blame it on recovering from a sickness during the week that left me extremely fatigued for days). I’ll have to look into it seriously before the cut off date though, and talk to Mat and some family members to get their opinion. However, if you’re a reader of this blog and you’ve done the uni/HELP (hecs?) thing before, I would LOVE if you could offer me some feedback. What’s involved in getting a HECS debt, how much can the repayments add up to every pay? Was it worth it, or should I just save up the cash and do the courses at a later time. Anything, anything you could give me, I will be eternally grateful.

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I found out from my old coach that I was actually covered by insurance from the netball centre, but it had been 2 months since the initial injury. It appeared you had to submit the forms within 30 days of the injury, so I rang the insurance company and explained that I hadn’t known about it. They said it should be ok, and that I would need to get the forms in ASAP. At the moment the form is with my doctor, as he was required to fill out a section on the injury, then I’m able to send it off. When I spoke to the insurance company on the phone, I got the impression they didn’t cover the gap between the total cost of the surgery and the medicare rebate, so at the moment I’m at least $2,000 out of pocket. I have paid $300 in physio fees already (after my health insurance pays their chunk), and the operation is going to cost $1700 (I got a loan to cover that bit, as I don’t really have that much money lying around at the moment). I would assume they would pay for my physio though, so at least that bit I don’t have to stress out about. With 2 months pre-surgery, and 9 months post-surgery physio the cost is really going to add up.

New type of anaesthetic

As previously mentioned I’ve gotten a loan to pay for the surgery. This meant I really had nothing holding me back from proceeding with the operation. I rang the hospital earlier this week and confirmed I was ready to go ahead, and received word today that my surgery will be on the 9th December – 3 weeks away. on the 2nd December I will be meeting with the anaesthesiologist to get a health checkup and discuss the anaesthetic method they will be using on me. I hope it’s a general and I’m completely knocked out, I don’t want to be awake for any part of it. Can you imagine? They pull out my hamstring, dangle it in front of me and say “woohoo check this out”. Yuk, no thanks.

Currently it’s all about preparing for for the operation. I’ve already had a million things run through my head, from who will be dropping me off and picking me up (I don’t want to put anyone out by making them spend the night there with me unnecessarily) to what I’m going to bring (iphone, clothes, the specific bag I will take so I can carry it easily while using crutches etc). Sad isn’t it? The worst part is I’m actually excited about the surgery. I want to get it over and done with so I can get the rehab done, and eventually not be restricted in what actions I can and can’t do. For example, I was at the gym over the weekend and had just finished 20mins of cycling. Knee felt fine, no worries there at all. Stood up, lifted my leg to climb off (as it was one of the seated ones with pedals out in front, not the normal bikes) and my knee let out a massive “CRACK” and pain shot through my leg. I limped over to the lockers and sat there massaging my knee for a little bit, stood up and it was all fine, like nothing had ever happened. I checked it with my physio this morning and apparently my cartilage had just gotten into a place where it shouldn’t have, so when I moved the crack was the cartilage going back into the correct position (aka nothing to worry about). I can’t wait until I don’t have to stress about getting off a bike.

So….let the count down begin. 20 days to go!

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