Kelly's World

Photo credit: rolleh

“C’mon people, the clock is ticking and you’re not on the court yet!” said a timid voice from behind me. Turning, I realised it was the ref.

‘Oh geez’, I sighed. If she was scared telling us to get on the court, how was she going to go telling us when we had done something wrong?

I shouldn’t have worried. She never told us when we did something wrong, somehow those moments slid past unpenalised. Oh no, instead she called a penalty when we were clearly in the right. If you were holding the ball and someone knocked it out of your hands, she’d call contact. On you. Aka you lose the ball.

Um, righto.

As a result, a couple of players started to get frustrated (C included, as he couldn’t do anything right in her eyes, I suggested that maybe his height of 6ft 8 meant that in her opinion he needed to be at least 6ft 8 away from everyone else at all times). I simply laughed it off and kept playing, after all it was just a friendly competition, no need to get narky.

For a bit of background in my netballing history, I’m a defense player so I know when it’s necessary to use my body and be firm or not. I play firm but not rough, and certainly not dirty.  When it comes to super league my effort increases by 1000%, yet I still don’t resort to using knees, elbows and shoulders. It’s only when another player starts playing dirty against me that I will hold my position even firmer and use my body to push them around a little bit, but that’s incredibly rare. In this case the shooter and I had a great time chatting and laughing, but both playing seriously when we needed to. We also played respectively, appreciating there would be contact (inevitable in the game of netball) yet not getting phased by it at all and certainly not holding a grudge against each other.

And then my team swapped me into the shooting position.

I don’t play this position often, so I only know a couple of things:

1. Find the free space for your team to pass to you easily
2. Hold your position firmly in the circle so that the defence can’t get around you
3. Get yourself between your other shooter (goal attack) and defense so that you can hold the defense back, and let the goal attack take the shot without as much pressure

I suspect it was the last two items combined that got me into hot water. As a defense player my instinct is to get under the ring ready for rebounds, and my opposition wanted to get into that same position. I didn’t let them. This meant they weren’t able to easily defend the other shooter when he had the ball, and as a result, the defense did not like this.

My goal attack, Bretto, and I were doing well. We had made a comeback and got our team in front. I was holding the defense off him, getting a few shots in myself, and generally playing a good game. I was not playing dirty. Then suddenly…

WHAM! Shoved from behind!

“STOP FUCKING PUSHING ME!” she screamed.

I was stunned for a second, and then started laughing. Hard.

“Are you fucking serious?!” I replied. “Cause if you are, that’s really funny. Are you seriously trying to start a fight on the fucking netball court?”

Then shamefully, I uttered the stupid bogan tough line:

“If you want to start something, I will slam you.”

Urgh, not proud of that. But from that point on she tried her best to push me over, use elbows on me etc, and every single time I laughed. I couldn’t help it, her determination was impressive! Her anger even more so.

At one point I caught the ball, then tried to turn around to shoot. I merely pivoted on my foot to face the ring and in doing so stood up straight, where I found she was only 10cm from my face. Another rare moment for the night, the ref made the right call and penalised her for obstruction.  “She stepped in!!” the girl screamed at the ref. “Actually, I just rotated my foot” I replied in a smart ass tone.

Pretty clearly, I was a bitch for the rest of the game. A whole 3mins.

At the end of the game she tried to shake my hand, but I refused and said to her “no thanks, not if you’re going to start shit on the court”. I don’t think I’ve ever refused to shake someone’s hand outright like that before, and I was a little bit shocked at myself. But honestly, it’s just a game, there’s no need to play dirty and push people around unnecessarily. I’m not going to just forget about that when the whistle blows. My integrity stays with me during, and after, a game. I won’t excuse people pushing me, elbowing me and being dirty, and I certainly won’t shake their hand to reward them for it.

I wonder what will happen next time we play that team.

Let me take you back to a time…a time long, long ago. Where a girl called Kelly freely roamed the netball court, playing up to 5 games a week. A time where she was able to jump, catch, stop, turn, pass and run without a care in the world. A time where she had only a week before played in the biggest game of her life, a superleague grand final (losing the final but still being thrilled with 2nd place for the season). A time when nothing held her back.

And then this happened:

Last Thursday I was unlucky enough to bust my knee during a game of Netball. I’m not sure what happened exactly, if it dislocated or not, but it felt like my knee went one way and my body went another. Long story short and two days later I am on crutches with a big puffy knee that I can’t put much pressure on.

Three months later, it was followed by this:

My knee just after my knee reconstruction surgery

That was in December of 2008. After 2.5 years I’m finally making my way back to the netball court, under the blessings of my physio. I should point out this is also NOT under the blessings of my sister or one of my best mates. I believe their statements were along the lines of “you’re a dickhead”.

I won’t lie to you all. I’m scared, very scared. I don’t want to hurt myself, and I know that I run the risk of doing so by stepping back onto the court. Realistically though, every single person who partakes in any sport is taking a risk, and it would be foolish to believe otherwise. I’ve been doing my exercises and I’ve put in the hard yards with the physio. My body is as ready as it’s ever going to be.

I’ll also confess and say that it wasn’t my idea to get back out there. Truth be told, I probably wouldn’t be out there if C hadn’t asked me to join his team. I’ve had a few offers from friends and I’ve turned them down because it was easy to ignore them, but when C challenged me I accepted. He’d timed it perfectly.

I’ve had the craving to play again before but I’d always been able to push the thought to the back of my mind. A few weeks ago I watched the final between Australia and New Zealand, and was literally standing in the middle of the living room screaming at the defence to get an intercept. I felt the rush of the game come flooding back, and I wanted to play. C saw that, asked, and I accepted. I know I’m not doing this under any pressure from him at all, I’m going back because I want to. I’m scared, but I’m also nervously excited.

The most important thing is that I need to have realistic expectations for myself so I don’t get frustrated. I need to understand and accept that I’m not going to be as fast as I used to be, or that I won’t be able to move my feet as quickly as I could. I need to realise that it’s OK that I’m going to be afraid on the court the first time, and that I won’t be playing like a superstar (not that I ever did in the first place). I can only do my best and be proud of myself for being brave enough to get out there. I’m not sure how I’ll respond when I get out there; whether I’ll be afraid of people coming near me or if I’ll just stay rooted to the same spot for fear of moving. I might also go to the completely opposite end of the scale, and feel my competitive nature come flooding back as I play harder than I’ve ever played before.

I believe there will be some huge benefits in it for me. By playing again and seeing that my knee holds up I won’t be afraid of doing a fitness test anymore, one that I’ve been putting off for about a year now. That more than anything has really held me back; it’s the dark black thought niggling at the back of my mind saying “you’re afraid, you’re so pathetic, you’re afraid”. It’s true; I’ve been afraid to put my knee under the strain of the test, which meant that I wasn’t able to apply for the police service (I need to pass the beep test as part of the application process). My physio believes that while my knee is ready to return, he thinks I’ll psych myself out. I think that once again he’s spot on. Time to be brave and overcome my fears.

Wish me luck. I’m afraid, but I’m excited.

Kelsbells the netballer is back.

It’s been fairly well documented on my blog that I suffered a knee injury late last year, resulting in a knee reconstruction in December. I was playing netball at the time of the injury, and currently it’s still up in the air on whether I will be returning to the sport I love to play.

Normally I would play Mondays and Thursdays (occasionally Wednesdays), and when the Superleague season was on I would also play Saturday nights. It was a lot, but I just couldn’t get enough of it. Going back and watching some games has been bittersweet; it’s great to still catch up with my friends on all my teams, but so very painful to not be able to join in. All that changed this year when I was asked to become an assistant coach.

Originally I was merely joining my friend Adam with Mix C but in a minor role; I would chip in when he wasn’t able to be there (if he was playing at the same time for instance). It was a no pressure job, and if I had something else that I needed to do that night, he understood (like if I had to work for Ravesafe at another music festival). Then Shane asked if I would help him coach Ladies B.

I’ve tried several ways of explaining why coaching with Shane made me more nervous than it did with Adam. I think I felt like I was able to take a backseat more than I would be with Shane; Adam would be dominant as the coach and I truly was only there on the off chance I was needed. With Shane, it almost felt like I was being groomed for a more serious role. I eventually agreed to coach with Shane, but only after really thinking it through. I found I just couldn’t pass on being more involved with netball. I was scared, but after the first night of coaching with Shane I knew that I shouldn’t have been so worried.

Adam and I haven’t had a chance to work together so it’s not fair to say it won’t be the same with him. I’m truly guessing. But after the first night with Shane, I feel like my eyes have been completely reopened to the sport. I’ve played netball for about 5- 6 years, so it’s not like I’m a stranger to the game. Yet listening to Shane talk and explain things to me, bad habits players had, things the attacking/defense were doing wrong, I was in shock. How did I miss all of this before? I’d like to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that it was because I was too focused on my own performance to really be concerned about anyone else.

At the end of the night any questions I had about returning to netball had been answered. My mind has been made up not to play ever again – I just don’t want to risk another injury. But I’m really quite excited about this year – it feels like being an assistant coach will fulfil all my needs from the sport. I’ll be part of the team again, and will be able to work towards achieving the best possible result. All of this while I get to sit on the sidelines and know that I don’t have to worry about remembering to pack my knee and ankle guards. It’s perfect! So, another drink anyone?

The furtherest any of the superleague teams I have played for have ever made it before are the semis. And even then we didn’t have a chance of winning. Until now.

Tonight, my superleague division 2 mixed b team from kawana will front browns plains for the title of winner. I have never had that within my reach before and I am so damn nervous.

A few years back the kawana mens a team made it through to the final (when we were still in division 1) and all of us girlsl showed up with banners and horns and everything loud (there are pics on facebook, we even had painted faces). We screamed and cheered the boys on. It was a HUGE deal, and we were such loud supporters the other teams didn’t have a chance to make a peep. I don’t know how the boys managed under such pressure, but they did and came up with the goods.

Now it’s my turn. This year kawana has 4 teams that made the finals, and one of the other teams play at the same time as us. This means the cheering will be spread, but there will still be an audience.

So why am I nervous? I want to play at my absolute best, I don’t want to say at the end of the game that I let anyone down. I want to be the best damn defence out there. So at the moment all I can do is to be positive, have faith in my abilities, stay on my toes, and get out there and do what my coaches have trained me to do.

Damn I hope we win.

What a weekend! Saturday was pretty much chilling out at home in the morning before heading to caboolture for my Netball superleague semi finals.

When we got there I realized just how nervous I was, but it was coupled with a feeling of excitement. I just couldn’t wait to get out on court and play!

As it was I played quite well. I was talking well to Francis, telling him where the ball was and where he should be positioning himself, and damn he ha a great game. He was so quick and got a great deal of intercepts, it was fantastic. I am happy to report I got my fair share too, one of which I intercepted with my face and promptly caught. Proud but painful moment.

We lead the game for most of the way but only by a few goals at the most. It was a vey close game. We had a few hiccups and with five mins to go were down by three. We got a crucial intercept courtesy of Francis after which the WA on the opposing team dived holding her head but no one had touched her! Their team came together and we heard one of them clearly say “if we can get one more injury we have won this.” finally the WA could continue and the game went on. We scored the goal and were down by two.

The ball came back down their attacking end and we got another turnover. Then suddenly their GS was on the ground writhing in pain with a back injury. After the clock had counted down to only one minute left on the clock and he still hadn’t gotten up we knew it was over. Without those injuries I know we would have had them.

Thankfully because we finished 2nd on the ladder we have a second chance and play the winner of 3rd vs 4th who also faced off last night. That match is next weekend. I hope we win then we can meet the team from last night who resemble the Italian soccer team, damn divers.