Tag Archives: social media

I use social media too much and it’s affecting my relationship

Posted on by
4

When I list all the ways I use social media in my life I get the following:

  • Twitter – used to post updates on my life, converse about soccer and other important topics, and contact friends and family (replacing text messages
  • Facebook – for sharing photos, and remaining in contact with friends and family, including those I haven’t seem in many years or who live far away (or aren’t on twitter)
  • Foursquare – for sharing information on places I have visited, and discovering many others, seeing where my friends/family have visited lately
  • Get Glue – for sharing movies/books/music that I have watched/read/listened to and seeing what other people thought of it

    • Of course there is blogging etc, but they are the main 4.

    Until recently, I didn’t realize how much my usage of those services irritated C. I didn’t see it, but he recounted experiences where we would be chatting, a twitter notification would go off, I would stop talking and check my phone. Or we would just start watching a movie, and I would grab my phone to check in Get Glue (then promptly talk about it on twitter). Or when we would go out to get something to eat and the first thing I would do is grab my phone so I could check in on Foursquare. Or celebrate a goal at the soccer only to get out my phone and immediately tweet my jubilation.

    I didn’t see that my time with C wasn’t “quality time” because I was letting my phone, and socia media, get in the way.

    Oops.

    I know he doesn’t care if I use the services, it’s my timing that causes the issue. It’s the fact that I let it interrupt me, interrupt us. He has asked me to make a more conscious effort of not dropping everything and letting it rule our time together.

    I wonder how many other people are in this situation and don’t realize it.

    He didn’t voice it until the point where he thought I wouldn’t listen to him unless he tweeted me (he said “unless I twit you”, and I had to hold back from the giggles that threatened to erupt).

    To all my friends that are reading this post and use social media, take a look at your own actions. Do you think it’s affecting people more than you realize? Do you make a conscious effort to curb your use of social media around others?

    52 in 52: Go a weekend without internet

    Posted on by
    1

    Yes, it’s true. I gave up the internet for the weekend as part of a 52 in 52 challenge, and it was scary and yet empowering. I missed it and I’m glad I had it back, but I really felt the true impact of just how much our lives rely on the internet. Well, mine does anyway.

    I thought that rather post a boring long post of what I learned, I thought I’d show you. Here are a few notes I took over the weekend when I was pining away for the internet:

    Day 1:

    5.55pm I’ve just switched off 3G and cellular data from my phone, but not before I tweeted goodbye. I’m officially offline. Thank god I have plans for tonight.

    8.30pm I want to check sports scores and I have nothing. We’re watching the football, and thankfully my friends have pay TV so we can flick between about 2 – 3 different codes of football. Still feeling up to date. This is good.

    11.00pm I had dinner at a mate’s place tonight, and normally I would just transfer the money for dinner straight over to them using mobile netbanking. Tonight it’s either I use phone banking or I go for a drive to get some money out of the ATM. Screw that, they can just wait until I have the internet back.

    Day 2

    7.45am I have personal training this morning, and thank god I screenshotted an email from the trainer yesterday before I went offline, otherwise would have had to text Chere to get the address. And thank god for the non-Internet based app Tom Tom, otherwise would have had to drag a street directory with me to find my way!

    1.00pm just had lunch with C, couldn’t show him a place I was trying to describe to him because I couldn’t use google maps. It wasn’t until we had gone our separate ways I realize I could have used Tom Tom. Also couldn’t check in at the beach OR the lunch location, felt a little strange not to be advertising my social life.

    1.10pm Had to text a friend to see what she was up to cause I couldn’t check twitter. Starting to feel a little disconnected now.

    4.27pm Just realized I couldn’t go online to congratulate someone who got engaged on Friday. No other way of contacting them, guess it waits until Monday.

    5.39pm I’ve started watching blesdisloe cup, and have an overwhelming urge to tweet about it. Used to reading other people’s comments on twitter so it feels strange to only rely on the company I’m with (not that that’s a bad thing either, but when we’re both a little new to rugby union we have to reply on commentators to educate us, and we know that’s not exactly a good idea!

    8.00pm I’m not a fan of watching sport without twitter anymore. It feels wrong.

    Day 3

    8.15am I just scored a bargain at the markets: a pineapple for $1, 10 apples for $2 and bag of avos for $2.50. Can’t go on twitter to talk about it, so I guess I’ll just have to feel proud of myself.

    9.04am Sitting in front of the tv to watch the second half of the Under 20′s world cup game, Australia vs. Spain. Australia is losing 5-1 already, and Ican’t go on twitter to complain. I’ll have a text relay with Tina instead.

    9.35am Wondering about the tattoos on the face of the player Bulut (bullet?). Can’t google and can’t ask twitter so will come up with stories. The tears on his right eye means he has murdered two people, the star means he is part of an organised religion that believes that they need to get together once a week and pray to the stars. They believe in a higher being, meaning that there’s a being that’s physically higher than them. In space maybe? Perhaps they worship C, he’s higher than them. He’s higher than most people. Through a lack of the internet I have established that Bulut is weird, he worships my boyfriend. Maybe this is how people come up with conspiracy theories?

    12.01pm Have just driven to Brisbane with my Mum for my cousin’s engagement party, and feeling a bit shy. Wishing I could use my phone to browse the news since the last update on anything was from listening to the news on the radio last night. A war could have broken out and I wouldnt know, although I would hope my family would tell me.

    1.00pm I have been informed I tweet too much, and that I need to “shut the fuck up”. Fair call, it’s true. I’ve made a mental note to quit with the random lyric tweets and to try and keep my tweets to something substantial. Yet it’s a bit sad that I’m currently “tweeting offline” as my sister calls it. Ha – doesn’t she realise that these offline updates are longer than 140 characters? SHEESH!

    3.51pm It’s the end of the family gathering. After half an hour I ended up putting my phone in the car since I didn’t really need to use it for anything.

    3.52pm I’ve just realised my phone hasn’t been charged since Friday, and it’s still at 54%. Goes to show the iPhone’s battery is actually pretty impressive if you don’t use 3G or cellular data like push notifications etc.

    7.39pm I’m out again for dinner with C and friends, and still no check-ins from me. No one will know how social I’ve been!! I’m bored while the guys get dinner, I have no idea what to do with myself. I know, I’ll text Kim and tell her how social I’m being.

    11.35pm Still out and about and drinking, and I’ve informed C how long it is until I’m allowed to use the internet. There’s been a couple of points during a discussion tonight I had the urge to google something but haven’t. It’s become apparent to me that I google a lot of stuff to find it out during discussions. I need to stop doing that – it’s an annoying habit and I’m not even on the receiving end of it. Probably the reason why my memory is so bad too.

    12.01am I’M BACK BITCHES! The internet is MIIIIIIIIINE! Cellular data on, 3G on, lets see what tweets I missed!!

    This past week I began to believe in myself

    Posted on by
    3

    As always, the past week has been full of ups and downs and plenty of dramatic action. Hey, I would be bored if it wasn’t! But it also was the week in which I attended one event that made me begin to believe in myself again.

    When Mat and I split I didn’t go through much of a “what is wrong with me” period. Fact of the matter is that I knew that we didn’t break up because there was something wrong with me. I knew that we had split because be reached as far as we could go. He knew it, and started the proceedings, but I agreed and walked away. I have actually felt very insecure in myself for years, and I only really discovered why at the end of last month when I wrote this post about being disappointed in my life.

    That post woke me up.

    On Tuesday I went out for dinner with 3 people from twitter. I had never met them in real life, and only ever spoken to one of them on twitter before we decided to meet up. Yet when we met we all clicked. We chatted, laughed and had fun. We had common interests, but I also learned a few new things as well. We finished up with coffee, and plans for another meet up next month. It was the start of the regular Sunshine Coast twitter meet up (termed SCTUB).

    While I have met people before from twitter (hello Mr. Mark Bates) and remain friends with them, I had never been solo before. Back then if the person didn’t like me it was fine – I had someone at home. But here I was flying solo. It was me, and only me. I had never felt so vulnerable before. I had never felt so unsure of myself, and whether they would like me. I didn’t know if I would be heading home with my tail between my legs, vowing never to try that again.

    Yet at the end of the night I felt a strange sensation stirring within, and realised it was confidence. I was starting to feel confident again. I was starting to believe that I had something to offer to people in the way of conversation, thoughts and opinions. I wasn’t someone riding the coat tails of someone else like I had done with Mat. I was standing alone on my own two feet, and I began to like what I saw.

    Yes, I’ve made mistakes, and yes I am disappointed in what I have achieved so far. But I’m not that boring, uninspired girl anymore. I’m on a mission to change my life, and meeting new people has definitely kick-started the journey. To Talia, Luke and Sarah: I don’t think you will ever understand just how much your willingness to take a chance on meeting someone random has changed my life. But it has, and I am so grateful. Thank you.

    Break up 2.0: how to handle it in a social media world

    Posted on by
    3

    I hope you haven’t come to look at this post as a guide on how you should handle your break up, it isn’t. Instead, it’s a post asking for advice.

    As you’ve seen from my numerous previous posts, I have split up with my ex of 11 years. My world has crumbled around me, I have been forced to start completely fresh. The only original things that remain are my dogs and I, some bits and pieces of furniture, my clothing, and smaller personal belongings.

    As part of the rebuilding process I’ve experienced numerous phases thus far: initial acceptance, sadness, reality hitting, more sadness, despair, and now anger. As I’ve progressed through each stage I have sought the help of friends and family, who have generously lent a caring ear (or shoulder), and provided countless hours of soothing words and advice. I have also turned to my blog, turning it right back to its grassroots and using it as an online diary. It was the place where I could unleash my thoughts, write it down and try to figure it all out. And by golly it has helped.

    Today I wrote a mean, nasty post talking about how I felt completely rejected, and how it felt like I had wasted the last 11 years of my life. That’s some pretty damning words right there. It was up on my blog for a few hours before a friend convinced me to take it down. She pointed out that if my ex had done something similar about me I would be devastated and humiliated. She was right. She is also going to read this post, and comment on being right.

    Her concern raised the point of how you’re meant to deal with a break up when it comes to social media. I’m an active user on facebook and twitter, and I blog (duh, you’re reading it now). On each of these mediums I am brutally honest – that’s what it’s for isn’t it? Sharing your thoughts and opinions with everyone? But in the wake of this break up I have pulled back on facebook so much, purely because I knew my ex could see what I wrote. I began to hide myself, pretend everything was OK. Status updates were veiled to portray that “hey my life is awesome now I’m a single girl, I don’t have a care in the world”. On my blog and twitter I was much more honest, because I knew my ex didn’t read my blog and I knew he didn’t look at twitter.

    But what if he did? How would he feel? Knowing that he saw what I wrote, how would I feel?

    So I ask of you, what is the right method? Should I hold back, keep a positive public face even though it’s not the true me? Or do I bare my soul to the world, get down on my knees with open arms and scream “yes, I’m hurting and it fucking sucks”?

    I’m still on the fence about this one.

    Getting sick of social media

    Posted on by
    1

    It might be just me, but I’m starting to feel like the market is a bit saturated with social media at the moment. Everytime I want to do something, there’s multiple applications available on my phone where I can update everyone. For example:

    • What am I currently doing? Twitter or Facebook
    • What music am I listening to? GetGlue, Last.fm, Ping
    • What am I watching on tv? GetGlue, Miso
    • Where am I? Gowalla, FourSquare
    • What did I just do on the toilet?

    Ok, so I don’t have an app for the last one, but I’m sure (and as Apple constantly reminds us)  “there’s an app for that”.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love the interaction and sharing of it all. I would probably be the best unppaid twitter saleswoman alive (and if you’re interested in following me, my nickname is @kelsbells, oops – back to my post). Without twitter, I wouldn’t have met a number of amazing people I now call my friends, nor would I have been able to follow my sister’s recovery progress when she was involved in an accident. So it’s not a case of not seeing the benefits of each network, I do.

    Perhaps my issue is that in this day and age there’s no “one” place to go to. If I want to see what my friends are listening to, or watching, or where they’re eating, I have to figure out what the latest app is that they’re updating. If I don’t stay up-to-date and use the same app as everyone else, then the whole existence of the social network is redundent isn’t it?

    Have we reached a point where we have to ask ourselves:

    What social media network is in fashion this week?

     

    I was never one to follow a fad. Perhaps my problem is that I feel like I have to follow the crowd to get the information I desire? I don’t like this feeling.