God I hate toads. I really, really hate them. Not only are they ugly, but they’re poisonous and threaten the lives of our pet dogs. Not cool.

The first few nights after setting up Turbo and Missy to permanently live outside, Mat and I found ourselves busy rinsing poison out of their mouths. The dogs had enough sense to come to the door when their mouths were foaming, so that we could rinse it out and keep an eye over them. There was a few nights where we stayed up until stupid o-clock just to make sure the dogs didn’t die.

We built a fence around the dog’s sleeping area, which turned into a big mess. The dogs quickly discovered how to jump the fence, as it was incredibly important to them that they sit outside our door at night. Eventually they understood that when it was bedtime they needed to stay in their beds, so we were able to take the fence down. If only they would actually stay in the beds for the entire night!

Even now, if Turbo hears a rustle in the bushes at night, he will get up and investigate it (he’s a good guard dog). For example, check out the story about Eddy the echidna. While I’m happy to encourage this behaviour, I just wish there was a way to train him from not attacking any animals.

But more than anything, I wish there was a way to keep these f**king toads away! From my research on trusty Google, all I’ve found is that you can kill them with dettol, and there’s a possibility that Lavendar bugs kill them. That’s great and all, but I am still sooking that I have to do a sweep of the yard to check they’re not there at night.

If only toads could understand when I say “FUCK OFF”.